||Rising transportation costs drive Santa and the
elves to establish a Chicago workshop. But trouble (and laughs) arrive
the Godfather and his Mafiosa henchmen move in demanding a 25% cut as
part of a protection racket. Worse yet, the police are on the
and the mayor is accepting kickbacks. Santa soon learns that protest is
useless. "What's a matter? Did I make an offer you got
snears the Godfather. "Show him some muscle boys." Salvation
in the unlikely form of the purse-wielding Mafiosa Mamas who decide to
straighten out the boys.
We're the Mafiosa Mamas,
We raised our children good,
They follow Papa's footsteps,
Every one a hood.
The boys are nasty criminals,
We're proud of who they are,
But when they cheat old Santa Claus,
The boys have gone too far!
||Santa is in trouble after broken harness and runaway reindeer leave him stranded in the middle of California. He wishes for nice people to come along and help, but what he gets is a motorcycle gang who would rather rob and beat him up than help. Quick thinking on Santa's part puts thing into perspective for the gang members, who end up hitching their bikes to the sleigh. Motorcycles can't fly, but as Santa says, "At Christmas time, anything is possible." It's bad news for the horrified bikers as the Spirit of Christmas begins to turn them into nice guys!|
||It's Christmas Eve, and Black Bart and the
notorious Owlhoot Gang move in on the lovely Miss Kitty and her granny
tumble-down ranch. With Granny tied up, Bart gets set to marry
against her will. When Santa learns of the ladies' plight he
himself as Texas Red, the most dangerous gunfighter in the west.
All goes well as he terrifies the gang and takes over. But Bart
realizes he has seen this so-called Texas Red somewhere before. "I
seem to remember a feller like you stealin' milk and cookies
from my house when I was a little shaver..... You done gave
away when you come down that chimney. I suddenly realized there's
only one man alive enters a house that way. Santa Claus!"
Things look grim for Santa and the ladies until Kitty turns on the
and turns the owlhoots against one another. All is well, but
it be nice, Kitty sighs, if there really were someone for her
to marry -- someone kind and good and handsome? Enter
sheriff, delivered to the site courtesy of Santa's reindeer. "Great
gallopin' cow ponies! That was the wildest stage coach ride this
boy ever had. If I didn't know better, I coulda swore them horses
was flyin'!" Things have a way of working out for the best,
everyone ends up happy — everyone except the owlhoots who face a future
bars and without Miss Kitty. "We have a hunch at the end of
this tale,/ She'll be seein' that sheriff through a wedding veil.
This play is a sequel to Santa and the Owlhoot Gang. However, it is also designed to stand alone.
|The Owlhoot Gang is back! Kitty and the
Sheriff are about to leave the ranch for their Christmas Eve wedding,
but the Owlhoots have the place surrounded. As Santa arrives, the
Owlhoots open fire, and he barely makes it down the chimney.
However, the Owlhoots get
the idea and soon are yeeha-ing down the chimney and tumbling into the
Black Bart tells his favourite story (called The Three Little
and announces his intention to marry Kitty and let the rest of the gang
hitched to the bridesmaids. It'll be "one great big weddin'
all of us!".
Bart: So, little Kitty, little Kitty, open up your heart and let me in, let me in.
Kitty: Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!
Bart: Then I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blowww... you a kiss.)
Owlhoot: Say, Bart, Kitty ain't really got a gairy chin, does she?
Santa is there to help, the sheriff vows to fight the gang with his dying breath ("Har, har. Must be pretty stinky if he's gonna fight us with it."), but Miss Kitty saves the day by tricking the Owlhoots into getting themselves tied up and out of the picture.
We got took in by Kitty's ruse,
And now we're singin' the weddin' bell blues.
||Santa gets more than he bargains for when the
chimney he chooses lands him Smack Down in the middle of the
Christmas Eve Wrestle Maniac Extravaganza. It's a tag team mega
match, and everyone thinks Santa is The Pretender, a wrestler known for
The fun and the action heat up as Santa is forced to help Brat
Hurtman ("Oww, I'm hurt, man!") Smart and his brother the
defeat the Germinator, the Honker Bonker and Mr. Screwie Kung Fooie. In
spite of the bad guys' dirty tactics ("Hey, they're tying up the
referee!" cry the announcers), Santa must survive to make
as a wrestler. And then there is the gaggle of singing and chanting
Down with wrestling,Perhaps Santa, and the audience, will agree with the protestors recurring message.
Stop it short;
It's unwholesome as a sport!
||Christmas in the Middle East finds dictator Saddy the Pain and his bumbling soldiers intent on blasting America with the ultimate weapon -- the Super Cannon. Things get dangerous for Santa when he is mistaken for an enemy aircraft and knocked out of the sky. When Santa admits delivering presents to America, Saddy orders him tied to the super cannon. "Wow, this is a nasty guy," Santa mutters as they drag him off. Fortunately, a trick enables Santa to get Saddy in front of the cannon for a blast of Christmas Spirit powder that changes Saddy's outlook. "You mean I'm going to love my fellow man?" Saddy cries in dismay. "I'd rather have been killed." But he can't stop it, and before long, he and his soldiers are helping Santa by shooting him up to the sleigh again from the Super Cannon. As Santa flies away, a confused Saddy shouts, "Don't forget to do America next! Eiii yi yi! I'm losing my mind!"|
||This package of hilarious,
all-occasion skits will stand-alone as a complete comedy variety show.
Or selected skits can be used in Christmas concerts, talent
shows, family gatherings, and other entertainment situations. The plays
Babbot & Cobello: My Friend Hoo: an Abbot & Costello style comedy routine in four parts.
Mr Right: Is Mr. Wright really Mr. Right, or is he completely wrong? Mom's worry turns to indignation and outrage as she listens to her daugher's mixed-up story.
The Right Fit: Denture troubles solved by the local mortician.
The Mad Scientist & the Transmuter Computer: Zah clazy scientist's invention changes a passer-by into a can of pop, which gets poured into the sink. "Remember, if you don't vant your life to go down za drain, don't turn to drink!"
The Mad Scientis & the Secret Formula: Zah clazy scientists cook up a strange brew. Don't let the sodium kaboombinate blow!
Court is Now in Session: Defendants irrite the judge with off-the-wall remarks.
Shootout: There's fun when the lady belles decide to slap leather. "I'm sure I had a gun in this purse somewhere."
The Owlhoot Gang: Six Quickies: Six walk-on funny western fillers using four owlhoots in each.
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|COMEDY HOME PAGE||Comedy Skits and
Variety Show Comedy
A Novel by Hugh Alan Smith
Herald Press: Youth to Adult
Can they find a new life in America?